you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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