Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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