Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
