just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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