Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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