Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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