Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
