am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
