I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
