I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
