Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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