her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
