I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
