So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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