I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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