Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I cannot find my penis.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
