I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
