I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Randomize
