so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Randomize
