I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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