Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
