Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
