i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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