tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
