I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
