Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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