im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
