Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
