I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
