you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
BRING THE BAGELS
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
