shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
