Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
