i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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