Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
