I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
