I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We need to get me chipped asap
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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