Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
