I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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