she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
