I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
