I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
