and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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