my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
