I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
