oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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