Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
