Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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