Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
