they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
