If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
