I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
