my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
