I faked an abortion last night.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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