T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
