He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
