You really coming over, don't trick.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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